Fragility
24 November 2024
The word 'fragility' has been on my mind a lot lately. It's been applicable to several things that have come up in my life, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how many areas of life it can apply to.
The most obvious example is things. Tangible things are fragile, they break, they get lost, they get stolen. Their existence in your life is not certain, no matter how well you protect them or how careful you are. I'm somebody who takes very good care of his things, so I know that sometimes things can become damaged or broken or whatever, despite my efforts to keep them safe or in good condition.
While smaller things are typically easily replaceable, sometimes something will break that causes you a lot more headache. In homeownership, for example, things break all the time. Systems fail, things need repairing, accidents happen. Since I bought my house a year ago, I've learned this the hard way. And honestly, I haven't been the best example of the message I'm trying to convey in this article. I get very stressed when things go wrong, and after they're resolved, I get worried that something is going to happen again. But the important takeaway is to accept the fact that things do break, and big/expensive things are certainly not exempt from this rule.
This 'fragility of things' example can be taken a step further. Chances are, if you have friends, or if you're in a relationship, or if you have a roommate, you've had to deal with someone else using your things. Or handling them in some way. When this is a possibility at all, it becomes feasible that (while not under your supervision) your possessions can be mishandled. And they can break! Or something. The relevant point here is that your possessions are not always going to be under your supervision, and you won't always be in control. You can't control the outcome of every instance of someone else being in close proximity to your possessions, and the more you try to, the more stress you'll be taking on willingly. Being aware of the location and state of all of your possessions 100% of the time is an invitation for overwhelm.
My wife, for example, is notoriously clumsy. Since I've know her, she's broken more drinking glasses than I can count on two hands. I do my best to keep the more precious items out of her general area, but for the most part I have learned to accept the possibility of destruction in her wake.
This is a good opportunity to segue into the next example, which is relationships. This is more abstract than the last example. But if you reflect on your life for a few minutes, I'm sure you'll be able to come up with a few examples of friendships that have ended, either abruptly or over a long period of fizzling-out. Romantic relationships too, of course, don't always last. Whether the same lesson should be learned from this example, though, is not completely clear. Perhaps the fragility of relationships is more of an opportunity to learn about yourself, rather than to accept the possibility that they might end.
Another abstract example: home (not to be confused with 'house', which I mentioned earlier). Your home is not something that's necessarily going to remain constant. If you move, your house can change, your city can change, your state can change, or even your entire country. With any of those changes will also come some degree of death to what you were used to.
This 'fragility of home' is something that I've been learning and dealing with over the last four years. I've moved house more times in these four years (four times) than I have in the twenty-three-ish years that preceded them (zero times). Sometimes, you'll have to move even if you don't necessarily want to. You might do it out of sacrifice within a relationship, or because you know it'll help you in your career in the long run. Either way, the fragility of home is definitely something that can breed growth, if you allow it to.
As a final example, there's the fragility of plans or mindset. Plans change all the time, whether they're your own or someone else's (which can still affect you). You could go through an entire degree program in college thinking you want to be ABC when you finish, only to realize that after working in ABC industry for a couple years, you actually want to transition into XYZ industry. That's the way it goes in life. But the lesson there is that you need to have a plan to begin with, otherwise you'll end up stuck in the realm of indecision and do nothing. And if you do nothing, you'll never be able to realize that you wanted to do XYZ all along.
Your mindset can change along with your plans. As an example, you might go through college thinking that college is, in fact, necessary in the long run, so it's a good thing you're doing it. But it might take you all those college years to learn that there are other ways of going about things. The college track was only one way of viewing it.
So what's the takeaway? Well, I believe it's to embrace the uncertainty. I spent too much time being worried about material possessions, paralyzed by indecision, or regretful of the decisions I did make. In the end, those things get you nowhere; sometimes simply going with the flow, accepting that things might break, is what will keep you moving forward.
— Derek Andersen